“Ali… with an… you know, one of the million of characters in the Chinese language.”

We can probably do this all day.

“You’re from the Hills! I’m from Changzhou!!”

If this doesn’t make any sense yet, it’s probably because you were blissfully unaware of “The Karate Kid” remake currently barreling through production for a Summer 2010 release. (That, and you probably don’t know why I’m mashing up of lines from the Karate Kid script with references to China. Hang in there.)  

If you’re reading this blog, chances are you already understand my affection for this movie. However, I’ll add a few words for the unaware: This movie is a classic. It has all the right ingredients for a great movie, and while the Karate Kid is entirely a product of its era, nothing about it feels dated, or out of place in 2009. The most noticeable artifact from the 80’s is the movie’s soundtrack, and it is very 80’s. But the dated songs still work, probably because some of them have become legendary in their own right (“You’re the Best”), but mostly because the score of the movie from Bill Conti is, dare I say, beautiful and timeless. (*For my money, if you are making a sports movie, call Bill Conti.) I’m not going to sit here and critique the acting, cinematography, or any other high-brow film devices because that’s not what this movie is about. What more can you say about a movie that will make a person drop everything they’re doing at the sight of it, and still be at the edge of their seat during the last half hour… for the 100th, 200th time.

Like my friends, I have mixed feelings about the upcoming remake. Daniel LaRusso and the San Fernando Valley have been replaced by Will Smith’s son and… China. We also have Jackie Chan taking the role of Miyagi. And today, they released their first trailer. Have a look, and we’ll proceed:

A few quick thoughts:

Of all the emotions I was expecting, I did not expect to feel sad. But that’s what this trailer did. It simultanously reminded me of my own mortality and the rise of China’s influence in the world. Thanks Will Smith. Thanks a whole lot. I do wonder  whether or not this will create a new media “Cold War” with China (which wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world). I don’t think the film industry has fully recovered from losing the Russians in ‘89. If Rocky IV ended the Cold War, will this Karate Kid remake start a new one?! 

My own neuroses notwithstanding, the scale of this movie is certainly impressive. You’re getting what looks like a much larger enemy dojo, a real intense looking tournament at the end, and, guaranteed, some great fighting. Training on the Great Wall of China probably, visually, trumps the beaches of Los Angeles. But this still doesn’t quite sit well with me. Can I deal with seeing someone named Miyagi (that isn’t Pat Morita) instructing a kid repeatedly (and furiously) to take his jacket off and put it back on? Folks, the line is “Wax on, wax off”, don’t forget it.

I think I’m decidedly against this. I’ve seen garish displays of affection for children before, but I don’t think anything can top Will and Jada (both producers) trashing a Hollywood classic to create a vehicle for their son. How dare they go and take a great movie and revise it with a giant budget, a classic Chinese actor, and an exotic location?!

Unfortunately, I’m taking this all too personally. It doesn’t matter who we are, 99.9% of us can’t stand in the way of “progress.” Whether it’s an old diner, radio station or entire city block - change happens. And I’ll be reduced to the old man ranting to the younger generations about “the old and better Karate Kid”, as they watch the visually superior, big-budget Wal-Mart of a remake.

And worst of all, it will probably end up being a pretty good movie. Sniff.